Sustainable Shopping

We promise to work with the financial sector, the UK’s jewel in the diadem, to introduce biodegradable, compost friendly credit cards made using renewable and fully carbon offset dolphin approved plastic. The UK public deserves the right to shop sustainably.

100% Inheritance Tax

We know taxes are unpopular. But when you get this one you’ll be dead, so who cares? Realistically, the only way to solve the inequality problem is to outlaw inheritance. The proceeds from the 100% inheritance tax will be used to give everyone a decent start in life. And for the filthy rich a proper celebratory funeral.

Give homeless people the same status as tax havens.

We will regulate to give homeless people the same status as offshore tax havens. Their lack of traceability will be used in order to make them attractive destinations for flight capital, drug money etc. This will help alleviate their poverty at the same time as increasing the opportunities for international businesses to avoid financial scrutiny and regulation.

Create a special ‘Financial Olympics’ to reward the UK financial sector for their prowess.

We will set up a special Olympics to provide opportunities for the residents of ex British colonial tax havens to compete in events to which they excel: helping clients with market rigging, avoiding disclosure of conflict of interest, illicit arms trading, illicit political campaign donations, contract kickbacks, bribery, fraudulent invoicing, trade miss-pricing, tax evasion and money laundering. We will also give a special prize for the tax haven that excels at appearing to be independent while effectively being ruled from London.

Reward UK banking secrecy with a new award.

There will be an annual prize giving for Britain’s performance in secret financial markets in order to recognise the continuing excellence displayed by Britain in dominating this market. This aims to counteract the negative perceptions of Britain’s performance in less lucrative markets such as man- ufacturing