We will tow all overseas territories back to Britian to stop them being lost or stolen

All overseas territories to be towed back into British waters to avoid them being lost or taken over by hostile countries. The spaces left by the territories will be filled with inflatable replicas to fool the governments of neighboring countries and provide a fun diversion for people who miss them. Large commonwealth countries like Australia and Canada will also be invited to participate in this initiative.

The Ministry of Defence will be rebranded as the Ministry of Attack!! In order to scare would be aggressors.

The Ministry of Defence will be rebranded as the Ministry of Attack!! In order to scare would be aggressors and thereby avoiding the need to spend money on armaments. Savings will be used to train a flock of killer seagulls who will deployed on the coastline to protect the British Isles from invasion by neighbouring islands which are conspicuously quiet, full of unknown and untrusted people who speak funny and who are likely to be plotting something (Faroe Islands, Isle of Man, Anglesey etc.)

In the event of an emergency declare war on a ficticious South American country.

In the event that things all go horribly wrong domestically we will declare war on a fictitious South American country. We will explain to the public that the reason they have never been heard of them before and they are not on any maps is that they are highly sneaky. After a few weeks we will declare absolute and total victory and promise the people that ’they’ll never try that again’.

Tow all overseas territories back to Britian to stop them being lost or stolen

All overseas territories to be towed back into British waters to avoid them being lost or taken over by hostile countries. The spaces left by the territories will filled with inflatable replicas to fool the governments of neighboring countries and provide a fun diversion for people who miss them Large commonwealth countries like Australia and Canada will also be in-vited to participate in this initiative.