Promise Anything, Change Nothing
Having a single colour for both ambulances and the police is confusing. The fire brigade can helpfully be distinguished by their appropriate use of red, signifying danger and fire etc. The yellow chequered symbolism of ambulances will be retained. However, the police will be rebranded with a dark/black colour scheme to emphasise their role as satanic forces whose main purpose is to control the population and stop them rising up in freedom.
We know taxes are unpopular. But when you get this one you’ll be dead, so who cares? Realistically, the only way to solve the inequality problem is to outlaw inheritance. The proceeds from the 100% inheritance tax will be used to give everyone a decent start in life. And for the filthy rich a proper celebratory funeral.
We promise to give criminals more choice in sentencing. Locking human beings up in cells for 23 hours perday is not humane. We believe the selective re-introduction of capital punishment alternatives like whipping, public shaming, dunking, amputation etc. should be offered as alternatives. This will free up space in our prisons and offer opportunities for victims to have more of a say in what type of punishment is appropriate.
Noting the UK’s recent loss of it’s ‘Development Super Power’ status, in the future ex-colonies will be able to choose the development super power the UK will mean for them. Among the choices will be: 1) lose access to your resources but get a railway and some of our old rolling stock instead; 2) Have your economies hermorage cash to offshore banks but get your own telebanking app; 3) Send us your best skilled graduates in return for drunken tourists.
Introduce a Library Carriage onto all London Underground trains and strictly enforce quiet so that people can literaly hear themselves think and prevent ear bleeding.
Supranationalists – those who believe in regional or one world governments will be fully investigated to determine if they should be classified as a terrorist network.
Review of the oversupply of disabled car parking spaces. The oversupply of disabled car parking spaces will be reviewed. Any disabled person parking in a normal parking space will have their parking priviledges curtailed.
We will seek to determine exactly what aspects of the term ‘leper colony’ are distateful and, once understood, undertake a full rebranding exercise.
Despite early promise the Government’s handling of the global, world-wide, international pandemic was shambolic. The policy to move the elderly out of hospitals and back into their care homes to free up beds for normal people was sound but there was insufficient follow up. We believe the Government vastly underestimated the people’s appetite to isolate older members of society away from sight (and smell). This has always been more than 2 meters. All that would have been needed to protect these sites was to turn them into ‘Gated Communities for the Elderly’, with 24 hr sentries and on-site cemmeteries ensuring that, once and for all, when you go in, you never come out.
Basic drawing skills (and not just rainbows) improvement programme. The experience of Covid 19 revealed the exceptionaly poor state of children’s drawing skills. The sight of thousands of poorly drawn rainbows up and down the country and was frankly a national disgrace. It’s time to reverse the decisions to limit childrens access to art in schools. Sure we’ve saved a few thousand pounds on crayons and paper but at what cost to the nation’s prestige. In the event of another pandemic a Rainbow Task Force will be set up to visit the houses of the worst examples and make the children do their work again until it’s right.
